Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
