as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
