Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Randomize
