I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
