On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
