Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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