Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
