this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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