i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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