I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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