I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
