I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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