i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You've changed since you got that strap on
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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