This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
