Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
