who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
