idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
