I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
