It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
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She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
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COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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