either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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