I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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