Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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