I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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