if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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