apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
