ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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