11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
