He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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