Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
