Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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