Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
