I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
