Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
