no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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