you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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