I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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