Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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