make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
