i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I can't turn off my feet"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
