He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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