Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
