Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize