So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
