His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
The beer is more important than you right now.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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