You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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