Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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