she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
