It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
it was like having sex with a tree stump
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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