Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
