My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
