Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
