weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I want her autograph on my taint
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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