i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Randomize
