opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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