He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
