Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
