i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
