the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
where are you?
Hypothermia
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
