You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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