i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
