He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die, sorry about rent.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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