he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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