mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
