Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
we're so committed to being not committed
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
