why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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