My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
