yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
