I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
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He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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