In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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