I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
