I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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