my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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