Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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