I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
be right there i have to get my cape
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
The cops high fived after they tackled you
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
