her vagine was all disorganized.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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