he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
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