Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
