My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
