Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
