Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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