I'm drive I can fine osifer
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I am one with the molecules
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
