I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
